Yesterday at the crop I was having a quick chat with a couple of our fellow scrapbookers and we were talking about kids, and it got me a bit worried about the perception of bullying. Now at my kindergarten we put a lot of work in teaching the children about what is okay behaviour and what isn't - as most early childhood centres do. However these kids have only been on the Earth a few short years and learning this, takes time and practice. (Lets face it, some adults show that they've never learnt what's okay and what's not...) Up until the age of eight children can't be and shouldn't be labelled as being a bully. To be a bully you need to be able to premeditate an outcome - "my actions will result in this..." Four year olds give the occassional whack to a friend because they aren't for whatever reason getting their own way - it's not okay, but it is totally normal. Often there are other circumstances - they may be tired, Dad may be away on a business trip, the house may be for sale and so homes in a bit of turmoil - this is why a big part of our job is knowing our families well. Change can often throw kids and it comes out in behavioiur.
The whole 'she's not my friend anymore' is totally normal - it's about having power and learning how relationships work...or don't work LOL! Friendship has a different meaning for children than it does for adults. They live in the here and now, 'I'm not your friend' means right now, this game isn't going the way I want it to, therefore I'm not playing with you. Right now. Tommorrow I will. Ten minutes later I will. Again, as teacher's we role model and discuss some other ways of dealing with those emotions, but they are four years old. It takes time and practice. Don't fall out with your friends because your children are going through this.
Do you have siblings? Did you have the odd fight? The odd being shut out of each other's bedroom? Were you or them a bully? Nope, totally normal sibling and childhood behaviour.
This isn't to say that there's not some children whose behaviour isn't so great on an ongoing basis, but there's 'stuff' going on behind the scenes (in terms of family situations, special needs sometimes etc) that as teacher's we can't share with the kindergarten community. Trust that it is being dealt with to the best of our ability.
I guess what I wanted to say is that as parents of young children, don't worry about the normal childhood phases, they will work through them. Give them support and the language to use, but don't solve their problems - they need to learn the skills to do this for themselves. There's enough to worry about as a parent without all the things that make up a normal childhood. Oh, and enjoy them, they're young for such a short short time.
Right that's my Sunday morning rant, will post some photos of layouts this afternoon, when I finish them LOL
12 comments:
HEAR HEAR Trace- you are so right..... all of this is true.... and you always need to remember they are only (put in age here).... they literally don't know any better!!!! (until they learn it) or they may have a medical/learning condition that causes their brain to think/view a situation differently.... they may not be able to control a behaviour (unless they have loads of love, patience and support)
The worst for me..... when a child is named!!!!!! and they weren't even there that day!!!!!!! hate that!!!!
THANKS FOR REMINDING US TO GIVE THEM ALL A CHANCE
Thank you for saying this, Trace. :)
And you say it all SO damn well!
It's annoying for other parents too - just listening to some parents put sooo much importance on everything involving their child - it makes me 'exhausted' just hearing it often!! you're very right kids are just kids, they live for today, and I often realise when I step in cos the kids are fighting, its just for me, cos I can't stand listening to the 'abuse' anymore LOL! - THEY don't care!!!
Thanks Trace. And just how much scrapping did you get done?
Nothing wrong with that rant my friend... you got to go scrapping yesterday - woo hoo - how is Lyall???
Look forward to seeing your creativity.
A good reminder. I think as adults we forget that children don't think and act like adults and as they grow these are skills they learn to develop. Your example of not being friends is so accurate, they do live in the here and now.
Oh well said Trace!
Trace, I totally mean this when I read these sort of posts that you post i end up being far less stressed as a mother for awhile afterwards! Especially being a first time mum and not having any family in Auckland I never know what is the norm for a 2 1/2 year old and what isn't and hearing you talk about what's the norm for a 4 year old not to be doing makes me feel so much better...hope that makes sense!
Thank you for that Trace!
Also, was good seeing you yesterday, where are your finished LO's?????????????
Trace, can you come and live with me?! Seriously!! It would help when I'm having all those (too common) self-doubting moments where I worry (read: FREAK OUT) that I've stuffed up somewhere because Tyler hit a boy at Kindy, or whatever. I do know that the things that make Tyler hard to handle sometimes are the very same qualities that are going to make him an awesome adult. I *know* this in my head, but too often the emotional side takes over. It's easy to forget he is still learning so much. THANK YOU for posting this!
Hey Trace, it was so good to finally meet you on Saturday. I can only vaguely recall the conversation about bullying, but hope I didn't say anything ... you know, offensive ... anyway, you are right, but it can be so hard to take a step back and look at the cold hard reality of things when it comes to kids.
Oh, on another subject, it looks like I will be coming along on the Scrapcamp as well, so I will be sure to bring plenty of reading material for you.
Oh Trace, have you been reading my thoughts? Not about bullying, but about these stages that kids go through, what is/isn't normal and how to deal with them. I LOVE reading your blog to help me with things that aren't really talked about. Hmmmmm, might have to hire you as a personal consultant. hehehe.
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